Any suggestions for this poem?
I Am.
Take a step outside of this world
Off this domineering curb of society
And into the cracks
Stray from the roles
For which we are either destined
By fate
Or this corrupt system
Stand with me in triumph
For I am the remedy
I am the rebellious teenager
I am the unwed mother
I am the lost child
I am the forgotten
And when this world gets too loathsome to watch
To hideous to see
Depart in confidence
For we are the truly awakened
Stand where lake becomes sea
Where mountain becomes plain
Where forests become barren
Where lust becomes love
And where the wings of the eagle
Caress sweet lavender winds
And soft salty skies
Live with me outside your atrophy
Away from the decadence of what is genuine
And with my splendor
For I am love
---be honest
I wrote this.
I really like the feel of this poem and the words you put together (i.e. "soft salty skies), but I when I read it out loud, it didn't have very much rhythm. There's too much transitioning from one pattern to another, andI kinda got turned off. But it *is* a great poem, and has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work!
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